What do you want your husband to have?
Crores in the bank, fancy cars, multiple real estate investments or HAPPINESS? Any loving wife would definitely choose happiness over all materials in life.
So when he does things that make him truly happy, why don’t you enjoy it?
Let’s say he loves having a long chat with his friends, a holiday with his pals, waking up at 10am on a Sunday, binge watching movies etc. Why do we have a problem with someone being happy ? It’s just our mere ego. He is happy, I am not happy. I am going through all the difficulty to keep this family up and running but he is happy in his own world.
I have taken some responsibilities in life, caring for my daughter, cooking, cleaning etc., When I started to have confidence and pride, that nobody else does this job better than me, I stopped asking and expecting help. Nobody else can look after my daughter better than me. But at times when I couldn’t do it, Prabu willingly comes to help because he knows that I would be busy/sick/tired else I won’t ask for help. It’s this acceptance I have developed, to give him his space and love for his happiness.
Every human is highly responsible to himself. Especially men, they don’t work hard to please others. They get high in being successful. I happened to develop this attitude only of late when Prabu said, ‘Please talk to me and treat me just like Thanvi’.
1. I strongly believe that children, just because they are small in size, they are no less competent and intellectual than us. So I treat her like my equal, just like my friend.
2. I am immensely satisfied when Thanvi is happy. She is happy when she is allowed to do what she loves to do.
This is the day I changed, without having any traces of ego with Prabu. He will spend more time with you, only when you accept him wholeheartedly for what he truly is.
The highest of appreciation we get as couples from our friends and family is that both of us have not changed even a bit in our character, attitude and passion even after marriage. I think that is true love and the justice you can do to another individual.
This is highly achievable by anyone. The secret is ‘The Power of Communication’.
* Every human has good, bad and ugly side and your partner is the only person to whom you expose them all – Be an open book.
* Always have eye contact while talking, it’s a sign of caring and avoids misinterpretation
* Listen to really to understand not just to reply.
* Tone is as important as the words.
* Don’t be judgemental, everyone/everything is evolving at a high speed each day, so why to have a pre-convinced notion on somebody/something and fool ourselves.
Have a dinner out. Don’t discuss anything about friends, family, finance, children and health.These are the topics we have discussed enough and more. We clearly know or can predict what the other would think on these topics. So both of you promise yourself for a ‘discovery dinner’. Keep discovering each other.
Only when Prabu and I visited our intellectual side of us, we truly liked talking to each other. There are a whole lot of things we go through or come across to talk about. But what we do? When the other person is ready to hear, all that we do is COMPLAIN – you are not spending time with me, this is not good, that is not enough, he said that, she did this.
Oh no, please don’t imagine that we never fight/argue. We do fight, seeking for more love. We see fights/arguments as an opportunity to understand each other more, an opportunity to improve ourselves and to grow as a better individual. And thus we never fight for the same issue again and again.
‘I love you’ according to me has become a more cliche word. Instead use phrases like I respect you, I like the way you handled this matter, I appreciate that you have made an effort, I have great confidence in you. Prolong the I love you, be specific, It’s a great acknowledgement and a motivator to do more.
Having said that all, we definitely have certain things we would want our husbands to change. Be it anything – habits, attitude or just anything. There are only two ways that you can bring in the change.
1. Effective communication. Make your relationship more communicable. Each one should have the confidence that I can talk anything and everything with the other one and he/she will understand.
2. Lead by example. Don’t push but prove.
Somewhere down the line, we have to be content in relationships also. And it will come to you only if you love yourself. No one in this world can fetch you happiness except YOU. Engage yourself in things that you LOVE to do and be GRATEFUL.